The following is a sermon transcript from our Sunday Service at The Rock Church in Mount Laurel, New Jersey. Each week, we gather to worship, learn from God’s Word, and grow together. This transcript is provided as a free resource to encourage and equip you in your walk with Christ. While you’re welcome to read and share this content for personal use, we kindly ask that it not be redistributed or published elsewhere without prior written consent from The Rock Church.
Introduction: What the World Calls Love
What the world needs now… is love, sweet love. You know, it’s the only thing that there’s just too little of. Maybe that song is what will be the answer to all our problems. In fact, the Beatles said it too. All you need is love. Love is all you need.
It seems like there’s just too much hate in the world. And all we need to do is love one another. You know, there are endless campaigns that you’ve likely seen, whether it’s the NFL with the words choose love on the back of every single helmet, or it’s the simple slogan of spread love, not hate.
We have to ask the question: why aren’t all these catchy slogans working? Is it because we haven’t tried hard enough? Is it because we haven’t changed our behavior? Or is perhaps there an internal transformation of the heart that’s required?
Well, of course it’s the latter. But who could possibly accomplish that impossible task? Of course, you guessed it: it’s the Lord Jesus, by the power of His Holy Spirit, who can take a dead, cold heart and fill it with love.
But what is love?
There are some who say that love is love. It’s between two people, and it matters not if it’s between a man and a woman or between a man and a man. Who do you think you are, dear Christian, to define the terms of love?
Well… it’s not the believer that defines the term. It’s the God of the Bible. It’s the Creator, King, and Ruler of the universe who gets to decide what love is. He gets to decide what love is and what love does.
Love is not a blind acceptance of any behavior that works well for someone else. No, it’s what gives honor and glory to the Lord. The Bible defines it as loving your enemy, praying for those who persecute you. Love is long-suffering, forgiving, and patient, but it also rejoices in the truth.
You see, it’s that last word that many in the world get hung up on. Well, of course — why? Because it’s my truth, and my truth is my truth, and your truth is your truth. You know what? Just do you.
No. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. And no one comes to the Father except through the Son.
And God’s love for God’s people has its genesis before the foundations of the world. It’s a redeeming love. It’s a covenant love. It’s a love that doesn’t grow tired or change its mind. It’s constant, unending, perfect love displayed in the perfect work of Christ. What greater love is this that our God would dwell among us? And that He would be the perfect sacrifice for us.
Love’s Appeal and Paul’s Purpose
So we come to this idea of love’s appeal. The world defines that appeal as that powerful draw that solves the problem of loneliness, that adds a little spice to your life, to what would otherwise be a rather boring existence. Love is reduced to emotional fulfillment, connection, purpose.
And of course, love does, in fact, do a lot of good things. It’s parent for a child, brother for a sister, love among friends. Man, that’s all good things. But the greatest appeal of love is that which comes to us through Christ. It’s God’s love in Christ that changes everything.
Spurgeon said, There is no true love in the heart but that which comes from God. Love is the light, the life, and the way of the universe. The world can try to imitate love and create copies of it, but it will never reach to the depths of love that God has for us in Christ. We’ll never know why Jesus loves us so much.
In his appeal to his dear brother Philemon, we’re going to look at the basis of that appeal, which is the power of love. Then we’re going to see the substance of his appeal—that’s the expression of his love. And lastly, the reason for his appeal—that is the result of love.
Now, you might be asking this question: What is this appeal that you’re talking about? Remember, it’s the purpose behind Paul’s letter to his dear brother and fellow worker in Christ. It’s his desire that Philemon would take back this bondslave, this servant.
So we ask, well, why wouldn’t he take him back? Well, it’s clear that Onesimus had wronged his master. He did something pretty bad, and he just took off. But he did all this as an unbeliever. And then something happened. Onesimus came to faith. He was once useless, but now very useful.
So if you’re taking note, let’s focus in on this as we consider the text:
The depth of God’s love for us in Christ changes the way that we relate to one another.
And again, we’re going to see love in action in three ways:
- The power of Christ’s love is greater than the force of a human demand.
- The expression of God’s love in Christ is the foundation for forgiving one another.
- The result of God’s love is reconciliation to the Father and to one another.
1. The Power of Christ’s Love Is Greater Than the Force of a Human Demand (Philemon 8–9)
So let’s look at that first one. The power of Christ’s love is greater than the force of a human demand. It’s verses 8 to 9. Let’s read it again together:
Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you. And then he says something nice. I, Paul, am an old man, and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus.
Paul begins verse 8 with that word. We see it here: accordingly. Other translations would say therefore. And of course, as always is the case, we have to ask the question, What is therefore, therefore?
You see, it always goes back to what was just said. And as you may recall from last week, Paul is building his case here. He doesn’t go right into the appeal. But first he goes into the affirmation—the love that he has for his brother, all the ways the Lord has been using him.
How’s that? He says something like this:
Brother Philemon, because I love you so much and you know that I love you so much, I have something to ask of you.
Now, we as Christians—certainly as Americans—we want to get right to the point. If you’re in the business world and you’re an executive, you don’t want to see all the long list of details. Just give me the bullets. Give me the highlights. Don’t give me all the fluff. Give me the substance.
Let me ask you a question:
When you need to ask somebody to do a hard thing or share a very difficult truth, how do you do it?
Well, I’ll just speak from personal experience. It usually begins in this way:
Brother, I’d like to speak the truth to you right now, but don’t worry, I’m going to do it in love.
Dangerous.
Now, just because you’re going to say something difficult, how do you know that it’s in love? Is love spoken words, or is it a demonstration? Well, I think you could argue both. For what is love if it does not rejoice in the truth? Of course—if it doesn’t, it’s just fluff. It’s just pleasantries. It’s just platitudes.
But why is it that it seems disingenuous when we want to take the time to tell someone all the ways that we love them, all the ways that God is using them? Why is it so difficult to say, Man, you’re always in my prayers. I see the love and the faith that you have for the Lord and all the saints.
Because few of us match the heart of the Apostle Paul.
Man, that’s a high standard, Pastor. I feel like I can’t match up to that man. I’ll never be as loving and as affirming as the Apostle Paul.
Well, of course not. Did you see the Lord Jesus face to face? Did you start a bunch of churches? Of course not. But does that mean that we shouldn’t look to the Apostle Paul as an example? No—we should.
As I’ve said before, the basis for any indicative—what is true, what God has done—has always got to be rooted in what is the imperative. That is to say, anything that God is calling us to do must always be founded upon what He has done for us. Law without gospel is pretty powerless.
Indeed, Paul was motivated to remember Philemon in his prayers. Why? Because he always remembered what the Lord Jesus had done for him.
And today we focus on our great High Priest. It’s King Jesus. He is always interceding for us at the right hand of the Father.
Did you catch that? It’s an always. It’s an active, ongoing work that Jesus is doing right now and always. Isn’t that amazing? It doesn’t matter if you’re asleep or awake—Jesus is for you.
Jesus sees all the dangers and temptations ahead of you, and He’s interceding for the Father on your behalf.
I sometimes think about this. When we get to heaven… maybe Jesus will tell us all the ways that He protected us. Maybe He might reveal all the specifics:
My brother, my sister, remember that day that I saved you from that terrible crash? Or it was that other day that I steered you along to make that right decision? Or at a different time, I was the one that opened that door for you.
Now, is it always positive? No. According to providence—which is to say God’s special care, His sovereign care in His active role in everyday events, both ordinary and extraordinary.
You see, we often view God’s providence in the positive perspective:
It was according to His providence that I met that person.
It was according to His providence that I got the job at just the right time.
But it’s also according to God’s providence that we stumble and fall and we do some dumb things.
Oh, pastor, that doesn’t sound very good of God to do that.
Let me ask you a question:
Is it according to God’s kindness and goodness that He disciplines us? That He teaches us? That He leads us in this school of grace?
Well, of course it is.
It’s a reminder that this corruption still with us—I need the Lord. I need Him more now. And the longer I’m in ministry, the more thankful I am for the humbling hand of the Lord. Such a gift. It’s a reminder of all that the Lord is doing to build His church. It has little to do with me. And it’s all about the powerful working of God to add to His church, to take away from His church. But in all things, to bless God that Jesus is Lord over the church.
You see, Paul certainly was bold in Christ. He wasn’t bold in the flesh—not in his personal abilities, not in his religious training. No, he’s bold because he knows:
Philemon, my brother, I’m part of the reason you’re saved now. You got converted under my ministry.
And because of Paul’s great influence in his life, he simply could have brought the command:
This is what you’re going to do. You better do it.
But why do you think that Paul didn’t take that approach?
Let me ask you a question:
How well does it work out when you bring a command that’s not in love?
You could be a parent. You could be a manager. You’ve got employees. You could be a leader in the church. And so you have children, you have employees, you have volunteers under your care. And because of that, you think to yourself, Man, I’ve got some authority. And as a result, I’ve got every right to demand respect.
But what if your children, your employees, your volunteers didn’t think you loved them? Didn’t care about them?
Well, it’s going to be quite difficult to see any kind of quote-unquote success in the relationship.
You might read all the books—how to be a better parent, how to be a better manager, a better leader. But for some reason, it’s not working. It seems the harder you try, the more you need to exercise your authority, the less effective you are in getting people to do what you want them to do.
Well, perhaps we need to look at relationships as more than just transactions. Maybe the people under your care really think, Man, this guy… this guy. He just wants to use me. He just wants to use me to advance his own ends. He wants to look good in front of the boss. He just wants to display his resume.
Look at my family. Look at my kids. Look how put together I am.
It’s a means of boasting rather than a means of giving thanks for all that the Lord has done.
But yet again… we can’t just produce love. We can’t just say, I’m going to love my kids. I’m going to do it. I’m going to care for my employees. It has to come from something outside of us. It has to be rooted in the power of God’s love for us in Christ.
And the more we think and meditate upon the gospel, the easier it is to love one another. Why? Because we can say:
Wow, my Savior, my God, my Lord died for me. His saving and preserving love is so great. Surely I can be more patient with those the Lord has entrusted under my care.
You see, the power of Christ’s love is greater than the force of a human demand. We’ll never be effective in making difficult requests or sharing hard truths without the other person knowing:
Man, I do love you.
You see, it’s the basis for all relationships, whether in the church or in the home. It’s why trust is something that is built over time. And it’s only in that context that love can truly flourish.
It’s very hard in our American church culture. Why? Because people have been through much trauma, even within the church. It was a pastor or another member that treated you very poorly. And now you find it very difficult to open up your life to another person, another believer. In fact, it’s out of fear that eventually they’re just going to hurt me like that other guy did.
But we can’t live in fear. In fact, perfect love casts out fear. It’s 1 John 4:18, which reminds us that fear has to do with punishment. Love and fear—they don’t work too well together. Because fear is always saying:
Do you really love me? Do you really have my best interests at heart? Or are you just trying to work some angle to get what you want?
Recently, I had a conversation with a brother who’s not part of the church. I hadn’t heard from him for many months. But it wasn’t, How are you doing? It was—he had an appeal. I listened to his request about his ministry, his desires, and then he had an ask. It was for a recommendation for a job.
So what do you do in this situation where you’re not comfortable to answer that call, to do that thing? You know that giving that recommendation would go against your conscience. You love the brother, you don’t hold any ill will toward him, but sadly he’s demonstrated not very trustworthy, not much of a team player.
You might have met people like this. It’s all about them. It’s all about their ministry. It’s all about their calling.
So I had to say some hard things. But I had to say:
Brother, I’m sorry. I can’t do it. And here’s why.
Obviously, I’m not going to go into the specifics, but I did my very best to be real, to be honest.
Sadly, it wasn’t received well. Can you imagine? Here you are asking for a favor. Instead of pursuing the path of humility, it’s more on the defense.
Again—the power of Christ’s love is greater than the force of a human demand.
You see, it’s the power of Christ’s love that humbles us, that causes us to realize:
Wow, my life is not my own. I’ve been bought at a price. It’s not about me and my ministry. It’s about Jesus and His glory.
It can never go wrong when you humble yourself before another. It speaks much of the character. Instead of getting on the defense, you might just posture your heart:
Okay, I’m ready to receive it. Maybe what’s being said about me is true and I don’t see it.
We all have these blind spots. We all need one another.
So thankful for our elder board, for Duncan, for Ralph. I could share with these guys struggles, concerns, and I know that they’re going to be there to encourage me. They’re going to challenge me. They’re going to encourage me. This is good and right. I need it.
And that’s much of the heart behind small groups—to foster that environment of trust so that each of us would say:
Man, I need my small group. I need my brothers and sisters. Why? Because I know they love me. I know they trust me. I know they have my best interests at heart.
It’s a great comfort to the soul when you have that.
You see, Paul makes an appeal of the appeal. What do I mean? Notice he says:
I have an appeal for you
—without exactly stating the request.
Why does he do that? Because he wants to make Philemon be absolutely certain that he knows that he loves him. It’s the basis of his appeal in love.
How wonderful it is when your kids or your employees—they know you care about them. What’s the result? Well, it’s wonderful. You don’t have to exercise your authority and puff up on them. You don’t have to remind them that you’re in charge.
Better listen. You better get this right.
No, it’s building them up. It’s praying for them. It’s reminding them:
Man, you’re created in the image of God.
The world likes to talk about love. But when that love has to do with unlovable people—well, it gets a little complex sometimes.
Instead of choosing love, you might choose vengeance:
Did you hear what they did to me? That’s it. It’s go time. I’m going to get them back tenfold.
Or it’s this idea of the class system—people above and people below:
I’m only going to love the people that are going to love me back. I’ll love the people when they’re the ones who help me advance. I’m not going to love the person who is the least and the last.
But Jesus said in Matthew 25:40 that if you do anything for the least of these, you’re doing it unto Me.
Now Paul does establish the basis of his appeal on certain terms. He says:
I’m an old man.
In other words, I don’t have much life left in me. How much of an agenda could I possibly have?
Not only that, but we should always respect those who are older. Why? Because hopefully they’re wiser and more experienced and they’ve been through the pain and the hardship and the suffering. Listen to what they have to say. Know that they probably don’t have a personal agenda.
But it’s not only that. It’s the fact that Paul also is a prisoner for Christ. In other words, he’s saying:
Dear brother Philemon, hey, consider my chains. Have some compassion on me. Think about the conditions with which I suffer.
Now, Paul wasn’t looking for Philemon just to feel bad about him. Oh, poor Paul. What a poor guy. I’ll do whatever you tell me. You’re obviously having a hard time. But it does inform how we consider others.
Maybe others are going through a lot. And maybe we can be more understanding when they’ve wronged us. Why? Because love covers a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8 says:
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
Does that mean we just stay in an abusive relationship? No. It means that we don’t keep a record of wrongs.
Proverbs 17:9 says:
Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
You see that? Yeah—when someone sins against us, yeah, we can let it go. They keep sinning and doing it maliciously?
Let’s get some space here.
Nonetheless, the power of Christ’s love active in our hearts—so much greater than any human command.
That’s the first point.
2. The Expression of God’s Love in Christ Is the Foundation for Forgiving One Another (Philemon 10–14)
I appeal to you for my child Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. Listen, but formerly he was useless to you. But now, now he’s indeed useful to you and to me. I’m sending him back to you. I’m sending my own heart.
I would have been glad to keep him with me in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel. But I preferred to do nothing, notice again, without your consent. He doesn’t want to force him. In order that your goodness or your favor conferred to him might not be by compulsion, but of your own accord.
You see, now that Paul has built the foundation for his appeal, he now gets to the substance.
It’s time for the ask.
Now that Philemon knows that I love him, that he understands the conditions that I am facing, I’m going to bring a pretty bold request here. It’s the first time he mentions Onesimus by name.
Took you a while, Paul. What’s the deal?
Wow, Paul, sure took you a long time.
Yeah, sadly, we don’t have much patience. We want to just tell it how it is.
“Just tell me the truth, brother. I need to hear it.”
And then we say, “Are you sure? Are you ready for this?”
“Yeah, I’m ready. Just do it.”
Then you tell them… and they’re crushed.
“What? You want me to welcome this brother back into my life, Paul? Do you know what he did to me? Do you know how he abandoned me? He left me in a lurch. He stole from me. Man, that employee was bad news.”
But brother, listen—listen.
His life is different now.
“Really? How so? I’m having a tough time believing you.”
This is the reconciling power of Christ’s love.
It’s the foundation upon which we’re able to forgive the worst wrong that was done against us.
Consider for a moment that you were, before you knew Christ, an enemy of God. Not only did you lie, steal, cheat, hate, but you did it all against God. You see, that’s what sin is. It’s rebellion against God. It’s a desire for self-glory, self-autonomy.
“You’re not going to tell me, Lord. I’m doing it on my own.”
Psalm 51:4—King David knew this really well. He said this:
Against you, God, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.
You want to talk about brokenness? That’s it right there.
He knew he had committed adultery. He’d murdered people. He did it against people—the person that died and someone he committed adultery against—but he knew that ultimately the sin that he commits, and every sin that we commit, is against God and God alone.
Why do we sin? I just said it. Because we want autonomy. We don’t want to be accountable to anybody.
“Don’t tell me, Pastor. I’m going to live how I want.”
Let alone the God of the universe.
So we choose personal pleasure over holiness.
We choose personal advancement over God’s glory.
We do it all because we’re corrupt to the core.
Happy news.
But Paul’s very careful as he considers his appeal. Notice what’s contained in the verses that we just read:
- Paul is now his spiritual father.
- Onesimus is a changed man.
- Onesimus is now valuable—useful—to Paul, to Philemon, and most importantly, to the Lord.
So let’s break down these arguments one by one.
Paul is now his spiritual father.
Onesimus is now his spiritual son.
This is significant. Onesimus has become so dear to him—loves him so much—the same love a father has for his son.
How should a father treat their son?
Well, the point is clear: nothing can change that status.
A son doesn’t lose his father because of his bad behavior. Sure, a father could disown his son, but he’s still his son, and nothing will change that.
And so how does a father consider his sons?
Well, of course, he’s going to forgive.
The clearest example from Scripture is the prodigal son.
You know the story. The son took his father’s inheritance and spent it all.
He went to Vegas, hit all the machines.
In other words, he wasted all that he took from his father on worldly pleasures and sin.
It comes to us from Luke chapter 11.
The son spent everything—all that he had. All that was left, at the moment after realizing:
“I’m out of coin. I’ve got nothing.”
He goes to be with the pigs and eats from the muck.
Can you believe it?
He hits rock bottom and decides, I’ve got to go back to my dad.
He makes this profound statement. He says in verse 19 to his father:
I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.
You see, it’s crucial to understand how the father responds to his son.
Does he get angry at him?
Does he tell him, “You’re a terrible son. I gave you everything and you wasted it all”?
No. He does none of that.
In fact, he has great compassion on him.
And not only that—
He brings him the best cloak, the nicest coat, serves him the best food, and they celebrate:
For this my son was dead, but now he’s alive. He was lost, but now he’s found.
And that’s just a small picture of the amazing love of God the Father displayed in Christ—that He welcomes the sinner who spent his life on himself, wasted everything, and He celebrates all the spiritually dead who become alive in Christ, as well as all those who have been lost but now are safe and secure in the arms of the Savior.
Onesimus is a changed man.
The expression of love is the foundation of forgiveness.
Surely, as Philemon considers his servant Onesimus:
“Brother, your servant is no longer lost. He’s not hopeless anymore. He’s not spiritually dead anymore. He’s been made alive by the powerful working of God in Christ.”
“I know he’s wronged you. I know he did you much harm, but that was the old man. He’s a new guy now. He’s different. He’s changed. He’s been changed by the powerful working of God.”
But not only that—we have to remember ourselves.
We were once useless—spiritually useless, without hope, without purpose, wandering through life without meaning.
Sure, we tried to do good, but there was no spiritual good possible.
In Christ, we’ve been made useful.
We’ve been made fit for the kingdom of God.
In fact, 2 Timothy 2:21 speaks of this vessel of honor—we’ve been set apart as holy, useful to the Master’s house, ready for every good work.
God doesn’t just save us and then sweep us up to heaven. No, no.
In saving us, He sets us apart: holy, useful, ready for every good work.
We’re not made holy because of anything good we’ve done.
We’re not made useful because:
“I’ve got all these special skills, Pastor. I’ll tell you what—I can really do some serving here.”
There’s nothing inherently good that we have. And we’re not ready for every good work because we prayed enough, read our Bible enough, or for any other reason than the fact that Christ is in us by the Spirit.
Onesimus is valuable—useful to Paul, to Philemon, and to the Lord.
We don’t know exactly what Onesimus was doing in serving Paul, but clearly it was to encourage him. And what we can see at the end of verse 13 is that his service unto Paul was purposeful. Why?
In the furtherance of the gospel.
We’re the means God uses to advance the ends of His glory—to save a people for His possession.
Paul’s not selfishly saying:
“Philemon, come on, man. I really need him to stay. He’s so good. He always gets me coffee when I want it. He keeps my cell very clean. He makes my bed. He gives me the best food and the wine.”
No, no, no.
Onesimus serves Paul—he’s helping him in the ministry of the gospel.
The gospel of Christ—to speed ahead.
How could that be? Paul is in prison.
It’s possible—Onesimus could have been helping to serve the church, sharing communications, or since he was a recent convert, he could have been quite active in going out to the streets of Rome and sharing the gospel with the lost.
In any case, Onesimus was now in the ministry.
You’re now in the ministry if you’re in Christ.
And as he served Paul, it was very much like Philemon was serving Paul through him.
As Paul was sending Onesimus back, he was sending his very heart.
That’s an odd way to describe how Paul feels about Onesimus—but it carries the sense that he’s so dear to him it’s like a piece of his heart is being taken out of him.
“I don’t want to send him, but he’s my very heart. I’ll just do it.”
It’s like when we lose a loved one—there’s a piece of us missing.
This is the kind of love that Paul has for his spiritual son.
And if he loved him so much, surely Philemon could welcome him back and forgive him—just like the father to the prodigal son.
It is the expression of God’s love in Christ that is the foundation for forgiving one another.
If God forgave us of all our sin, then surely we can forgive others for their sin against us.
But notice again—Paul does not appeal by force.
He makes his appeal in love, so that Philemon would, according to his own free will, express that same forgiveness toward his runaway servant.
Love doesn’t force its way.
Love asks for permission.
It’s the power of love as an influence—not forced coercion.
So the substance of Paul’s appeal is rich in gospel truth.
It’s the gospel that changes lives.
It’s the gospel that makes a spiritually dead person alive.
It’s the gospel that enables us to forgive one another because God’s forgiveness for us in Christ is so great—so much greater.
Absolutely — here is the next fully formatted, verbatim section, continuing exactly where we left off.
No words altered, added, or omitted. Only cleaned, paragraphed, and structured.
3. The Result of God’s Love: Reconciliation to the Father and to One Another (Philemon 15–16)
For this is perhaps… for this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a bondservant, but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.
You see, what’s interesting here is that Paul says something important in the beginning of verse 15. He says there was a purpose for Onesimus to be parted ways from his master.
In Onesimus’ mind, it might have been something like this:
“Yeah, I’m in big trouble. I need to get out of this town. I need to get out of Colossae. I’m going to Rome. I’m going to Vegas. I’m getting out of here.”
But what is clear throughout all of Scripture and all of our lives is that God is actively at work through all circumstances and all situations. All of it.
You know the story of Joseph in Genesis 45. What happened? Well, Joseph had been left dead by his brothers and then sold into slavery. And he faced much hardship—but also much favor. A lot of ups, a lot of downs.
He would rise to high ranks only to be thrown into prison. And yet through it all Joseph trusted the Lord all the way through. So much so that we read the well-known verse, Genesis 50:20.
Joseph says to his brothers—here they come. They’re coming. They’re coming to see me. I can’t believe it. What am I going to say? What am I going to say to the brothers that left me for dead? The men who did harm to my life. They didn’t care about me.
What does he say?
“You intended to harm me. But God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so that I could save the lives of many people.”
You see, there is much evil that happens in the world and even in our lives, but God is the God of covenant-keeping promises. The Lord is going to save a people for His own possession, and nothing—nothing—can thwart that plan.
You may think that the enemy of your soul is winning.
You’ve lost your job. You’re in financial straits. Your marriage is in rough shape.
But somehow God is using all these things to accomplish good.
“Oh, Pastor, that doesn’t sound like a good God. If He really were good, He wouldn’t allow any bad thing to happen to me.”
But is always experiencing good… always what’s good for you?
Imagine if you only knew prosperity and success.
What role would the Lord have in your life?
You’d have no need of Him. You could live quite comfortably in your own strength and power.
But in those seasons—in those seasons of intense suffering—what do you realize?
I need You, Jesus. I need You now more than ever.
And it’s in those times that you’ve never prayed so hard. It’s in those times that you’ve never realized how dependent you are upon the Lord.
Well, I would just submit to you: that’s some pretty good things out of some pretty bad circumstances.
So the Lord has a purpose in all things.
Notice that Paul doesn’t presume to know the mind of the Lord. He’s not prophesying—
“I know the mind of the Lord. This is what God told me about you.”
No—he says humbly:
“Perhaps. Maybe. This is why Onesimus left you for a time.”
Surely God saves whom He’s going to save, but He also uses means as part of His divine providence.
Isn’t that wonderful?
Check out what chapter 5 and paragraph 3 of the 1689 says:
In His ordinary providence, God makes use of means, though He’s free to work apart from any of them, beyond them, or even contrary to them, at His pleasure.
Did you catch that?
- God’s not required to use means.
- He could just save.
- He could just work miracles.
- He chooses to use us.
What a wonder that is.
Why does He do that?
So you think about your life.
You think about your regrets.
But God is using them all.
He’s using them to bring you to a place of dependence upon Him.
The prodigal son needed to be humbled.
And God used those circumstances to bring him back to the Father.
God uses the means to change us so that we realize:
“Oh yes, Lord—I have sinned. And against You only have I sinned.
Yeah—I’ve broken all of Your commands. I’ve gone my own way.
I need a Savior. Jesus, You are the only one who can save me from the wrath and punishment of a holy God.”
So the result of God’s love is reconciliation to the Father and to one another.
Here, Paul makes an interesting statement—that Philemon might receive him back forever.
Why would he do that? This life is not forever.
But guess what?
The relationships that you have between your brothers and sisters in Christ are forever.
Forever.
We’re forever forming relationships together as a family in the faith that go beyond our time inside of these four walls. They span all of eternity.
And that’s what Paul’s getting at here—that Philemon and Onesimus both share in the same eternal life.
So how should Philemon consider his servant on his return?
Should he treat him the same way he always did?
Absolutely not.
You see, the relationship status has changed.
And I’m not talking about what happens on your Facebook account.
“Hey, check it out. Our brother’s status—it says married. That’s great.”
Or worse yet—“It says single. That’s a shame.”
No.
This is an eternal status change that’s far more significant than anything displayed on a social media platform.
Onesimus is more than Philemon’s employee.
He is his brother in Christ.
But he’s not just his brother—he’s his beloved brother.
He’s now worthy of love.
“Worthy of love?”
Yeah—worthy of love.
To be highly esteemed.
“But pastor… you don’t understand. I’m really struggling with that brother or what that sister did to me.”
I understand. But consider who your brothers and sisters in the Lord really are.
Rather than what they’ve done to you, consider that—just like you—they were purchased by the blood of Christ.
They’ve been given the same status as you:
- dearly beloved,
- highly treasured,
- by the God of the universe.
You see, Paul yet again reminds Philemon that Onesimus is a beloved brother to him.
Not just for Paul, but also for him.
And so when he refers to Onesimus as being “in the flesh and in the Lord,” he’s saying:
“Yes, he’s valuable to you as a servant. Allow him to keep doing what he does. He’s not condoning slavery—it’s just the culture of the time. If they weren’t allowed to enter into a bondslave relationship, they could suffer greatly.”
But he says, nonetheless:
- He’s valuable to you in his service unto you in the flesh.
- But he’s also highly valuable to you as a beloved brother in the Lord.
And the result of God’s love is the reconciliation that we now enjoy to the Father and also to one another.
It’s the only way that we can be reconciled—because we have been reconciled back to the Father.
He did it all for us through Christ.
The Father loves me so much that He sent His only Son to be sin for me—that I might become the righteousness of God in Christ.
There’s no price tag on that great exchange that occurred on the cross. More valuable than all the silver and gold in the world, all the riches money can buy—it’s the certainty and the confidence that my sins are forgiven.
So surely, I can forgive the sins of others.
Surely, I’m not going to keep a long list of wrongs, reminding my offender all the time of what they did to me.
Instead, I’m going to keep short accounts—allowing love to cover a multitude of sins.
This is the power of the gospel at work in our lives that enables us to forgive and change our status from just:
- friend,
- or employee,
- or volunteer,
to:
- beloved brother or sister in the Lord.
How else could that happen but apart from the powerful working of God?
Closing Exhortation
So as we close, it’s time to take a moment to consider any unforgiveness in your heart toward another believer in Christ. It’s time to ask the Lord to do that supernatural work of allowing you to forgive.
Now for some, it doesn’t mean you’ve got to bring them back in your life. But for others, these people are in our lives, and we can see them often and remember only what they’ve done to us.
Forgiveness says, I’m going to stop remembering. I’m going to stop reminding them of all their sins. Instead, I’m going to look to Christ. I’m going to look to His power, and I’m going to realize all my sins have been forgiven, all of them.
In fact, the Lord has cast them from His sight as far as the east is from the west. If God doesn’t remind me of my sin, then surely I shouldn’t remind others of their sins against me.
But this, indeed, is no easy task. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of continuing to forgive because in our flesh, we remember. We just do. It’s like it’s in our minds.
And so we go back to the cross. We have to keep the gospel right before us.
So what I’m going to do now is just pause. I’m going to allow you to go before the Lord and ask Him, oh Lord, I can’t forgive them. I need your help. You know He’s a faithful God and Savior and will work in your heart and help you in that way.
So let’s do that now. Just a moment for you to go to the Lord. And if there’s someone that’s sinned against you and you can’t forgive them, ask the Lord to help you. Let’s do that now and then we’ll close in prayer.
Closing Prayer
Our great God, oh, how much you have forgiven us. And oh, how forgetful we are of how great you are, how loving you are, and that your love stretches deeper and wider and higher and longer than anything that we will ever be able to understand.
We know now, Lord, that you are for us in Christ. You’ve given us a new nature. You’ve given us Your Spirit. You’ve forgiven us. You’ve changed our status from guilty to not guilty. And You’re with us, even until the end of the age.
And so I pray for anyone here that’s holding on to that unforgiveness, that You, by Your grace and by the power of Your Holy Spirit, would release them from those chains. And they would find mercy and grace as they come to You in their time of need, confessing and asking and pleading, Lord, help. Lord, help.
That You’d meet with them, walk with them, and carry them through all the trials and the pain and the suffering, knowing that one day it’ll all be over. You’re coming soon. You’re going to make all things right.
That is our blessed hope. Come, Lord Jesus, we pray in Your name.
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